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    Shoes (My allegory)

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    Good allegory?

    [ 1 ]
    25% [25%] 
    [ 0 ]
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    [ 1 ]
    25% [25%] 
    [ 2 ]
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    Total Votes: 4
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    Treble
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    Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:37 pm

    Shoes

    A shoemaker sat in his workplace among with many other workers. They all worked vigorously, except for one man. He hardly worked, and just relaxed all throughout the work day. Not wanting anybody to find out, he just took one shoe from everybody else’s pile to add to his.

    One day, a small boy was at the shoe shop, watching the workers. He saw the man taking shoes from other tables, and asked,

    “Why do you take the other’s shoes? They worked to make them, while you did not work.”

    The shoemaker shrugged, “We all deserve a break. One shoe won’t hurt these people. They won’t even notice. The people will be fine.”

    The next day, the young boy was there again. This time, the shoemaker took two shoes from each table. The young boy looked at him,

    “Now you take two shoes. Won’t this start to hurt the others?”

    The shoemaker shrugged again, “Only a little. I will get more money for my work now. The people will be fine.”

    Days passed, and everyday the shoemaker took more and more shoes. Until finally, all the other workers were fired for their lack of work. The man started to run the shoe shop, He was the only worker left, and the only one to make shoes. He had to start working now. He sat down at the table, and picked up some leather to start building shoes.

    He did not know how to make shoes.
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    Den
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Den on Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:01 pm

    xD

    That last line was like a slap in the face, except it was a slap of humor.

    Really, you made me laugh. I just wanted to know if that was supposed to be funny, cause it really was funny.

    Regardless, I have to score and critique you. Allegories convey simple messages. They usually have redundant and repetitive diction. You scored those points off the bat, as do most allegories. So on a basic level, you're already good.

    I'm not really sure about originality. I was thinking you would use the "just a few shoes" becomes "many shoes if added together". But instead, you went in another direction. I didn't expect that, and I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or good thing. However, you did use a theme that was similar to the idea "you need to make more lies to cover up other lies" or the "snowball effect". In this case, it's more directly similar to cheating in college, getting to your profession and then fucking up. A lot.

    In other words "Learn, you lazy bastards."

    So you went in another direction than I thought you would, and that threw me off. Again, not sure if that's bad or good, but I liked it, so...

    I can't judge your allegory solely on "the allegory wasn't cool enough" or "not my style", and you fulfilled most of the requirements that I'm aware of. I'm hating myself, but I say three, simply because of my earth shattering theory that "there's always a bigger fish".

    Conclusion: I feel like a douche for giving you a three because you decided on a four for mine, but I'd rather feel like a douche than lie. I say three because:

    1. It isn't that complex. Not that it has to be, but it's pretty simple in form.
    2. I don't think the allegory could have been stretched into different meanings. In other words, it doesn't teach more than that (at least from what I noticed. This allegory could be better than I realize).
    3. It gets its message across, an important message, and it does it effectively.

    Take what you will. I still feel like a douche. Please respond with what you think of my critique. I would like to know if I missed something and whether or not the comedy at the end was intentional. Really, that guy's a dummy.


    Also, on this scale, it's 1 to 5, not 5 to 1?
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    Treble
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:55 pm

    1 being bad, 5 being good, haha

    What exactly do you mean by number two in your critique?

    The humor was not intentional, but, it doesn't mean I don't want it. It could be funny.
    The message, I think you got it, was cheating your way through life will eventually bite you in the ass.

    What direction were you thinking I would go in? Because I did have another thing in mind
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    Den
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Den on Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:28 pm

    Treble wrote:1 being bad, 5 being good, haha

    What exactly do you mean by number two in your critique?

    The humor was not intentional, but, it doesn't mean I don't want it. It could be funny.
    The message, I think you got it, was cheating your way through life will eventually bite you in the ass.

    What direction were you thinking I would go in? Because I did have another thing in mind

    I said in #2 that it was pretty straightforward: only one meaning. It wasn't multidimensional; I think that's the word I'm looking for. Not sure.

    I thought the theme was going to be "only a few shoes becomes many shoes". In other words, for example, people may say that leaving a faucet on for only a couple seconds doesn't waste water, but after a year passes, that's quite a couple gallons of wasted water.

    That's what I thought you were going for. "He's taking a couple shoes, but those shoes will add up after a long time. In other words, it wasn't a few shoes, it was many that he took." So, when the people got fired, I was really confused. I thought he would be brought to justice by everyone there, but he wasn't. However, I did like the direction you took.
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    Treble
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Fri Jan 15, 2010 7:45 pm

    My english teacher loved it, oddly. He said I should make a collection and start a website.
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    Den
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Den on Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:37 pm

    Treble wrote:My english teacher loved it, oddly. He said I should make a collection and start a website.

    lol I never listen to teachers or parents. Or anyone, really. Only the people that are actually my audience. All I ever hear about my writing from teachers or parents is "Wow, that's awesome!!!"

    And I actually wonder. Don't you hate it when people praise your work, but say just about nothing more than that?
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    Treble
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:16 pm

    Den wrote:
    Treble wrote:My english teacher loved it, oddly. He said I should make a collection and start a website.

    lol I never listen to teachers or parents. Or anyone, really. Only the people that are actually my audience. All I ever hear about my writing from teachers or parents is "Wow, that's awesome!!!"

    And I actually wonder. Don't you hate it when people praise your work, but say just about nothing more than that?

    I actually trust this guy. He has a ph.D and is very honest when something is bad, haha.

    I do hate when people do that tho
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    Den
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Den on Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:26 pm

    Don't get me wrong though, it's good. I don't like mine that much. I dunno why.

    But I keep thinking that I know this other allegory about shoes, but I can't figure out where it is or if there even is one.
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    Treble
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:01 am

    Den wrote:Don't get me wrong though, it's good. I don't like mine that much. I dunno why.

    But I keep thinking that I know this other allegory about shoes, but I can't figure out where it is or if there even is one.

    Yours seems more like a parable to me.
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    Den
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Den on Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:08 am

    Treble wrote:
    Den wrote:Don't get me wrong though, it's good. I don't like mine that much. I dunno why.

    But I keep thinking that I know this other allegory about shoes, but I can't figure out where it is or if there even is one.

    Yours seems more like a parable to me.

    http://www.thenarniaacademy.org/article_allegory.htm

    I looked up the difference and found this. Mine seems to be an allegory still. Don't know if I can trust that site, but I'm not motivated to prove it otherwise.

    I don't really care though. lol They're all the same to me.
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    Treble
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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  Treble on Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:12 am

    Den wrote:
    Treble wrote:
    Den wrote:Don't get me wrong though, it's good. I don't like mine that much. I dunno why.

    But I keep thinking that I know this other allegory about shoes, but I can't figure out where it is or if there even is one.

    Yours seems more like a parable to me.

    http://www.thenarniaacademy.org/article_allegory.htm

    I looked up the difference and found this. Mine seems to be an allegory still. Don't know if I can trust that site, but I'm not motivated to prove it otherwise.

    I don't really care though. lol They're all the same to me.

    Mine is more of a parable then
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    LokiBeragist

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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  LokiBeragist on Sat Jan 16, 2010 1:34 am

    Im rating this as a 4 only because Im picky and it didnt make me contemplate it. It was a really good lesson, but Im an asshole and like tricking myself.


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    sleeepygoron

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    Re: Shoes (My allegory)

    Post  sleeepygoron on Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:30 am

    Den wrote:
    Treble wrote:My english teacher loved it, oddly. He said I should make a collection and start a website.

    lol I never listen to teachers or parents. Or anyone, really. Only the people that are actually my audience. All I ever hear about my writing from teachers or parents is "Wow, that's awesome!!!"

    And I actually wonder. Don't you hate it when people praise your work, but say just about nothing more than that?

    Ok, I'm jumping in here, but I HATE it when people do that. At least my dad has brains enough to at least let me know that he can't give me advice...

    Anyway... I liked that Ferret. I did kinda find it funny. (Translation: It was hilarious.) Good. Sorry. Can't give you anything else. Razz


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